She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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