my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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