i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I still have a little drunk in my system
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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