I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
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