Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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