I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
