do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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