she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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