i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
