dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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