Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
