im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
