We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
