I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
