When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
