Sry I called you an 8
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
