Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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