it's too hot outside to masturbate.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
