I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
