Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
