My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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