No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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