Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
