taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
