your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
