I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
