I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
