I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
