that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
