It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
