how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
