Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
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You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
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Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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