its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
