I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize