4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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