Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
