the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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