I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
