so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Do vagina's smell?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
