somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
