I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
