If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
