Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
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