I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
