You can't motorboat a personality
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize