I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
