I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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