Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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