I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
We got so high we made milksteak
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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