My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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