She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
