i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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