WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
