Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
