i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
