i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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