If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
bring money and cleavage
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
