The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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