with your own penis?
He kissed a someone with a penis
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
