Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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