you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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