Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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