why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
