I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
