we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Randomize
